Ammar Yusuf akan mula bersekolah Khamis ini, cuma daycare sahaja bermula hari ini. Semalam kami pergi cari kopiah putih untuk dipakai di sekolah, ya kopiah tidak disediakan dan perlu dibeli sendiri.
Pada awalnya, H mencadangkan untuk guna sahaja kopiah Ammar Yusuf yang sedia ada di rumah tu; it's a white kopiah tapi ada corak halus berwarna hijau. I refused. Taknaklah. Because I don't want him to look different than other children there. As much as I acknowledged that being different is good as it makes us outstanding than others, I don't want him to learn it the hard way.
I remember when I was in Standard 1. Dalam kelas itu, hanya dua orang yang memakai tudung; aku dan seorang lagi, Nurul Ain nama dia. It was okay, no one is questioning our differences. Until when it came to Physical Education (Pendidikan Jasmani - PJ) subject.
Everyone changed to PJ attire, including me. I remained my tudung with me, but that Nurul Ain girl wasn't. Suddenly every other kids started to pester me.
"Kenapa awak pakai tudung? Bukalah tudung. Tengok dia pun buka tudung (pointing to Nurul Ain)"
"Eh bukalah tudung!"
"Kesian dia takut buka tudung. Rambut dia tak cantik kot"
Things got heated that the PJ teacher has to interfere. I was kind of hope that the teacher (I still remember her name actually) will offer some help, but instead, she said,
"Buka tudung sekarang. Susah nak main kalau pakai tudung! Awak kecil lagi. Tak payah pakai tudung pun takpe!"
I silently cried. I actually didn't really understand about why we have to wear a tudung only that I know that those who didn't wear one, their hair will be burnt in Hell, that was all I know. But I was really upset that all of them were making a big fuss about it!
Being different is tough, I learnt it the hard way and there were times that I chose to follow the crowd eventhough I didn't actually like the 'path', just so I'll be the same as all other people. The truth is, hanya kerana 1000 orang memilih Jalan A dan hanya seorang yang memilih Jalan B, doesn't mean that Jalan B is wrong.
I want my children to be strong, but at the same time I'll be extremely sad if they experience what I have went through when I grew up...
So we end up buying him a brand new plain white kopiah hehehe, just to be the same as other kids at school.
Dear Ammar Yusuf,
Today marks the first journey of your school experience. Things can be hard at times, some people can be so mean for absolutely no reason, I hope you can be strong to stand for yourself and still be kind at the same time. Mummy tahu Abang pandai jaga diri, Mummy tahu Abang kuat, because everybody says that you are my true resemblance. When you inherited my strength, nothing can stop you from moving forward :)