Being a mom is not always pretty, we are just human being. We get angry, we get frustrated, we get furious, we say something we shouldn't say, we even think of something we shouldn't think of too. Because we're just human being.
Sometimes we want to be the kind of parents we never had, and we want our children to be the kind of children we never were. Even if it is too much to ask, we still want things to be perfect. There were so many times that I feel I have failed. When Ammar Yusuf refuses to eat his vegetables, when he pushes his little brother away, when he decided to make a scene in a barber shop eventhough he's already promised to be nice and let Uncle cut his hair, when he screams his lungs out to get something... I have failed. And of course at that moment I forgot to remind myself how he has been such a good boy all these while. And I forgot that he's barely 3 years old.
Being a mom, changed me a lot. But there's always a time that I wish I can do better. I wish I can be more patient. I wish I never said that. I wish I didn't do that. Not a single day passed without me thinking of being a better mom. To allocate more quality time with my children, to ensure that I won't missed a thing in their development, even if it seems impossible, being a working mom.
At this moment of time, seeing my 3 boys sleep soundly (including the big one), I suddenly feel like there's a big lump in my throat. What have I done...
Have you ever encounter this kind of mixed-feelings?