Monday, October 2, 2017

Membentuk Anak Jadi Kuat dan Berani Tanpa Menyakiti Orang Lain

Jadi emak ni memang dilema sungguh. Kita nak ajar anak kita jadi baik, dalam masa yang sama nak anak kita jadi kuat dan berani juga. Macam mana kita nak bentuk anak kita menjadi seorang yang kuat, berani tanpa menjejaskan anak orang lain, dan menjadi seorang yang baik, lembut dan sabar tanpa membiarkan diri dijejaskan orang lain?

You know what I mean?

Anak anak aku ni, aku nampak mereka adalah dua kanak kanak yang suka berkawan, suka bermain dan sangat berpandangan baik pada orang lalu menyebabkan diri sendiri sering berada dalam keadaan tidak bersedia apabila disakiti. Kids will always be kids, tapi kalau balik balik budak yang sama je menyakiti anak aku, shouldn't I be worried?

Adam Muaz selalu sebut nama budak seorang ni, rakan sekelas yang aku namakan A sajalah.

"A tolak Adik sampai jatuh"
"A baling color pencil kat kepala Adik"

Dan paling kerap,

"A cekik Adik"

Cekik tu sampai tak boleh bernafas dan terbatuk batuk bila dilepaskan tau. I don't know about you, but I believed this is bad.

Honestly aku tak suka nak jadi emak yang menjengkelkan yang sikit sikit nak mengadu pada cikgu, tapi at one point aku perlu juga bertanya. Sebab aku tahu ada kemungkinan Adam Muaz hanya mahukan perhatian dan aku sedar Adam Muaz memang agak manja juga, tapi as a mother kalau you dah dengar cerita yang sama berulang kali dan hanya nama yang sama saja disebut, is it wrong for me to investigate? No kan.

So I asked the teacher, and apparently the teacher memang terus bersetuju yang A has been picking up on Adam Muaz quite frequently. Tapi yelah,

"Kadang kadang saya tak sempat nak larang, tengok tengok dah jatuh dah Adam Muaz. A tu memang lain macam sikit". Aduh 💆

So I decided to teach my children how to be, you know... harsh. We role-playing at home; Mommy jadi A, now Mommy cekik Adam Muaz, apa yang Adam Muaz perlu buat? Adam Muaz tolak tangan dia kuat kuat tau. Lepaskan leher dari dicekik tu lepas itu tolak A kuat kuat sampai dia jatuh. Daddy lagilah, suruh tumbuk muka A terus! 😱. Daddy dah lama geram sebenarnya. After a while, lama aku termenung fikir tentang pendekatan itu. Salah sebenarnya. It was wrong, I know. We should teach our children to be patient and compassionate, we should not teach our children to be violent. But really, macam mana you nak ajar your children to be strong without being violent at the same time? There's a thin line between that and it is NOT easy! Masa itu dalam hati aku rasa kecewanya dengan ibu bapa lain, you know kita nak anak kita jadi baik tapi BOLEH TAK YOU GUYS TOLONG AJAR ANAK ELOK ELOK  DAN JANGAN MENGGANAS KAT ANAK ORANG LAIN? Together we can make world a better place don't you think??

However, before my kids go savage to other people's children in the name of self-defense, I decided to contact A's parents. Because I have seen Adam Muaz mengamuk juga and things get very ugly, it will be devastating if he does that to other kids 'sebab Mommy Daddy ajar buat macam itu' 😑. I didn't know which one is the parent, so I sent a text in school's WhatsApp group.

"Assalamualaikum, maaf ganggu. Siapa A's mom harap boleh hubungi saya personally ya. Thank you"

Within few minutes, A's mom WhatsApp-ed me.

"Ya, saya A's mom. Ada apa ya?"

One thing I learnt, if you think that you're about to start a confrontation, NEVER PUT IT IN WRITING. So I decided to give her a call. I talked to her nicely, I apologized many times if I was being a pain but I just want the bad things to be stopped immediately. She was being a little bit defensive (it was expected and understood) but she promised to investigate.

Tomorrow, A didn't come to school.

The next day at night before we went to sleep Yusuf suddenly told me.

"Haa lupa nak bagitau Mommy. Tadi ayah A datang school nak jumpa Adik."

"Hah betul ke? Lepas tu?" I asked, obviously feeling so surprised.

"Aah ayah A datang, panggil Adik, lepas tu ayah A suruh A minta maaf"

"A minta maaf tak?" 

"Tak pun, tapi ayah dia yang minta maaf."

I looked at my husband and both of us looking shocked, obviously we both never see that coming. A few days after that masa H hantar anak anak ke sekolah terserempak dengan A's father lagi, and again, he apologized to my husband. It feels soo good and we were soo relieved that things are working that way, it takes a stronger person to apologize than to attack actually. 

Looking at that situation, we decided to give our children a very long lecture about how their behaviour will affect Mommy and Daddy as parents, 

"Pergi school belajar elok elok. Main elok elok. Jangan kacau kawan, jangan buat kawan sakit. Jangan buat kawan sedih. Sebab kalau Abang Adik buat macam itu nanti Mommy dengan Daddy terpaksa jumpa parents kawan untuk minta maaf.. Malu tau kalau anak naughty. Kesian Mommy Daddy.."

It works well, at least for now. I couldn't protect them all the time, so I know I still have to teach them how to be strong and stand for themselves. Perhaps some of you might think that I was being over-protective a little bit too much, manjakan anak dan sebagainya, "Eleh tak boleh sentuh langsung anak dia", but if you see how I teach my children a lesson if I caught them doing naughty things to other kids, even you will be scared too 😤. Nevertheless, I pray hard that my children will grow up being a good person, you know stronger physically and mentally but full of compassion at the same time. Sebab I sedar, as much as kita sedih anak kita dibuli orang, lebih sedih lagi kalau anak kita jadi pembuli sebenarnya. There must be something wrong with us if our children grow up being a violent person and enjoy hurting others. Nauzubillahiminzalik.


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