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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Number 3 Talk

To be completely honest, my pregnancy experiences were not as 'beautiful' as many other people's. I always envy those people yang sangat bertuah having the pregnancy glow, sarat mengandung tapi perut je naik while lengan peha semua maintain slim and steady.

I wasn't so lucky to have pregnancy glow, in fact I actually hated my body when I was pregnant. My body was expanding all over, kembang segala! Nasib baik kaki tak bengkak and aku tak pernah ada stretch mark. Still, memang keyakinan diri langsung tak ada, regardless how many times H tried to convince me that I actually looked beautiful. Well, it must be the hormone.

Kadang kadang boleh menangis depan wardrobe bila dah tak ada baju yang muat untuk dipakai-- the problem with me was, I didn't like wearing maternity clothes. During my pregnancy time last 4-5 years, baju mengandung di butik ibu ibu di pasaran memang mostly tak menarik dan old-fashined unless kau beli online dari overseas that would cost the bomb! So I just wore my usual clothes which are strechable, mostly dresses and I only bought several pairs of maternity pants.

Just to recap some of my pregnancy moments (all from Instagram);







(Sorry muka Ekin kena censored sebab dia dah pakai tudung sekarang hihi).

Everytime mengandung, memang rasa taknak dah pregnant lagi lepas ni, kadang kadang bila tengok diri sendiri depan cermin memang ada la terfikir "Apa la aku buat ni, buruk benau la rupa aku mengandung, why do I sign up for this...." Sorry if I'm being too honest here but that was what I really felt at that moment. Alhamdulillah H has been so supportive throughout that period melayan hormon mengandung aku.

Tapiiiiii, itu duluuuu. Sekarang tidak lagiiiii HAHAHA sembangggg! Semua tu hormon je! Hormon!

Recently I've been bugging my husband about having another baby. H on the other hand, is trying to be realistic (pffft what realistic -__-"). H wants to have more children, only when we (all 4 of us) are ready.

His justifications;
1. We're not emotionally and mentally ready. Financially inshaaAllah tak ada masalah, tapi dengan 2 orang ini pun dah huru hara cepat hilang sabar asyik rasa nak marah je. Berilah sedikit masa untuk tempoh bertenang dulu.

2. He wants all 4 of us untuk enjoy jalan jalan dulu, maklumlah kahwin tak sampai beberapa bulan dah pregnant, then bersalin, then pregnant lagi, then ada anak kecil lagi. Basically tak sempat nak honeymoon sangat. Sekarang ni kami baru nak rasa seronok anak dah besar sikit, boleh jalan sendiri, boleh pergi banyak tempat to have fun. Kalau ada anak kecil kan limited sikit. H kata kalau rapat sangat jarak umur anak, nanti kesian Ammar Yusuf membesar takde pergi mana mana pun sebab tak habis habis nak tunggu adik adik membesar dulu. H memang banyak berfikir 'bagi pihak' Ammar Yusuf. My husband and Ammar Yusuf ni macam ada special bonding, sebab kedua-duanya merupakan anak sulung and he wants his eldest son to grow up having a better life experience than him...

3. Rumah kami tinggi and it's a walk-up apartment, takde lif. Walaupun anak anak dah boleh jalan sendiri, bila balik dari mana mana dan kedua duanya tertidur di dalam kereta, kedua duanya masih perlu didukung untuk dibawa naik ke atas. Thus, it's either tunggu dah duduk landed house, or tunggu at least Ammar Yusuf dah besar yang tak perlu didukung langsung.

My justifications;
1. There are a lot of cute maternity dresses available nowadays.
1. I'm 30 this year. It's a perfect time to have another baby, by the time I'm 40, my youngest child will be 9 years old and it will be fine. Kalau tunggu 3-4 tahun lagi, I'll be pregnant when I'm 35 and it's already considered a high risk pregnancy. Kan?

2. I wish to have a girl. And my plan is, if my third child turns out to be a boy, I want to try for the last time having another child and retire after that regardless if the fourth is a boy or a girl. So the third one must be fast so that I still have time for the fourth! *catching breath*

3. I have a minor fibroid in my uterus. Aku takut kalau lambat sangat pregnant nanti fibroid tu membesar dan tak boleh pregnant lagi wuwuwuuu sedihnya. Tak tahulah scientifically betul ke tidak teori aku tu, tak pernah tanya doktor pun. Tapi itulah yang aku fikir.

4. Okay I won't lie. One of my reason to have another baby is because.... I want to be slimmer than now. Ironic, isn't it? Yes, breastfeeding, girl! Breastfeeding works wonders to reduce weight!! My weight increased massively eversince I stopped breastfeeding! T______T

Hmm..

Well....

Obviously H's justifications are more logical and reasonable. Deep inside, I actually agree with him. We are indeed, not ready. We are tired most of the time that we're losing patience easily. I want my children to grow up happy and full of sweet memories, and I want them to have it all. I still have a lot of plan for both my children yang belum dapat dilaksanakan lagi; Adam Muaz masih belum potty train, Ammar Yusuf masih belum bersekolah (we need to see the routine first), Adam Muaz masih belum start home-schooling lagi unlike his brother at his age, kami masih tidur hug hug kiss kiss empat orang lagi, patut dah ajar 2 orang tu tidur di bilik sendiri tapi kami yang tak ready! #clingyparents.

Adam Muaz masih sangat manja, Ammar Yusuf juga masih sangat manja, in fact emak depa pun masih sangat manja OMG.... T___T

I guess it's fairly obvious why H insisted that he needs more time :/

Tak apalah. Kami berdua datang dari keluarga yang besar. Mudah mudahan murah rezeki. InshaaAllah, aamiin..





6 comments:

  1. Rasanya you shud listen to your husband, tapi janganlaa lama2 nak kiv sebab faktor umur. Lelaki tak sama macam perempuan coz once you start pregnant, your biological clock is ticking faster.Yup, memang sekarang banyak sungguh maternity clothing yang cantik2. but as for me, dah 2x mengandung memang rasa malas nak melaram & turn out both to be boys. hmmm....memang preggy boys mak dia jadi malas nak bergaya agaknya ^_^

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    1. I know.. I want him to want having a baby, I mean, biar dua dua orang ready and can accept with an open heart. Kalau I seorang je nak and he's not so keen about it, kesian pulak baby nanti.

      Tahu takpe, lelaki takpelah dah 40-50 pun boleh jadi new father lagi, perempuan mana boleh wuwuwu. Banyakkan maternity clothes yang cantik cantik? Dulu semua jenis old fashioned je.

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  2. Our plan nak jarak 2 tahun because we aim for big family..haha..so plan nak tambah last year. Tapi nampaknya tak sama dgn percaturan Allah. Masa berusaha bersungguh-sungguh nak the 3rd one, period jadi haywired, then conceived but gugur at 5th weeks. Bila dah tak kejar sangat, just go with the flow, baru Allah bagi. He has better plans.

    Husna, though you feel you don't have that pregnancy glows and that you put on weight during pregnancy, I envy you because you didn't have stretch marks. Ily ni walaupun berat naik sikit je mase pregnant, range 4 - 6 kgs je weight gain for all 3 pregnancies, tapi the permanent stretch marks is making me insane. Hahahahah..

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    1. Kami taklah plan nak big family sangat, tapi 2 orang ni macam too small pula. Paling banyak mungkin 4 inshaaAllah. Alah Ily baru je lagi bersalin memanglah nampak stretch mark lagi! Lama lama hilang la tu hehe :D

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  3. husna,

    deeps sgt opinion suami husna tu...lelaki selalu berfikir panjang..kita perempuan, selalu nak kejar umur utk pregnant...jadi skrg ni pun kami ada sorg je anak, tiga tahun dah..so fokus yang ini, and training utk jadi role model untuk bakal adik adik jika ada rezeki nanti..well..pengalaman sy, ank pertama memang memainkan peranan penting dlm adik beradik tak kisah lelaki ke perempuan..yang second tak taulah bila nak muncul..apa apa we trust and believe Allah swt. pasti ada aturan yang terindah buat kami..so for this moment we enjoy our life..manalah tahu leaps ni ada rezeki kembar empat eh? mesti takde rehat kan..hehe...

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    1. Memang pun, kita orang perempuan ni fikir macam macam and memang nak kejar umur. Yelah, kan banyak risiko beranak di usia lanjut ni. Plus nanti kita dah tua anak masih kecil lagi. Orang lelaki lain, dia dah tua pun masih nampak muda juga hmmph.

      Hey 3 tahun dah sesuai dah nak tambah anak lagi! Haha. Bestnya kalau dapat kembar, walaupun tahu memang takkan menang tangan nak menguruskan nanti hehe

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