You know, being the first born, we are very sorry that you have to be our real life experiment;
of how to hold, wrap, clean, and feed a baby,
of the right position to breastfeed so that you won't get choke up (after we brought you to the hospital and doctor claimed that you're having a flux due to breastfeeding in totally flat position-should've put a pillow below your head so that the milk will flow down to your belly instead of going up to your nose!),
of how we need to make sure the house is clean and dust-free (after you've been warded due to bronchiolitis),
of what suitable clothes to wear in cold weather so that you won't catch a flu (again, after you've been warded due to bronchiolitis),
of how to avoid falling from the bed (after you've already fell),
of what kind of foods that caused diarrhea (after you've pooped like non-stop that it hurts your bum),
of what fever medicine that affects most and hurt you less (after we've tried butt medicine and you really cried saying, "Sakit bontot.. sakit bontot" oh my God I can never forgive myself for that..),
of effective ways to learn ABC 123 (Mummy's still learning, couldn't find the best way, yet),
of how to talk and listen to children (after countless of screaming and yelling that never works),
of how to be patient, compose, and how to be kind.....
It was all started with you. For all the trials and errors, I want you to know that those are the reasons of how special you are to both Mummy and Daddy. Being the first born, you've placed countless of unforgettable memories in our hearts and a lot of priceless experience that makes how we are now.
I am so lucky to have you, and I pray that Allah will grant you non other than happiness and well being. Should you face any difficulties in life, I pray that Allah will give you the strength, guide you to the right path, and protect you from any harm.
I'm so grateful to have a son like you, I hope you're happy having me as a Mom too. I'm far from perfect, I messed up many times but I want you to know that I have really (and will continuously) try to be the best for you, your brother and our family.
Happy 4th birthday, Ammar Yusuf. Mummy, Daddy and Adam Muaz love you so very much. Keep asking "Why?", it (surely) gives us headache most of the time but it is indeed something that I really missed about you when you're not around.