Thursday, August 28, 2014

Menuju Hati Yang Sihat

Perasan tak, semakin kita membesar, skop hidup kita semakin mengecil? Atau aku sahaja yang berperasaan begitu? 

Kalau dahulu, kita rasa macam perlu ambil tahu semua perkara, macam perlu ambil berat semua orang, macam perlu ambil kisah pada pendapat dari setiap lapisan manusia. Bila kita membesar, berumahtangga, beranak pinak, semakin lama fokus kita semakin mengecil, kita ambil tahu perkara yang perlu sahaja, kita ambil berat pada manusia yang penting dalam hidup kita sahaja, kita ambil kisah pendapat dari mereka yang sepatutnya sahaja. 

Aku sekarang (semenjak setahun dua kebelakangan ini), adalah dalam proses memelihara dan memulihara hati. Zaman teknologi, segalanya adalah sangat mudah. Sangat mudah menjalin berhubungan, sangat mudah juga memutuskan hubungan. Tapi sedar atau tidak, sebenarnya semua itu adalah atas pilihan kita sendiri, tiada paksaan sesiapa pun. Kita yang memilih untuk melihat perkara yang baik atau tidak. 

Pilihan yang ada; Alah takkanlah tak tahu. 

Unfollow 
Unfriend 
Block 
Mute 

Itulah yang aku lakukan. Apabila aku merasakan sesuatu itu akan menyebabkan timbulnya rasa yang tidak sihat dalam hati, itulah yang aku lakukan. 

Perasaan tidak sihat itu ada banyak sebab; 

Dengan melihat itu, aku akan menjadi iri hati dan mula tidak mensyukuri nikmat hidup aku. 
Dengan melihat itu, aku akan menjadi cemburu dan mula membanding banding; kecantikan, harta benda, pasangan, kelebihan anak. 
Dengan melihat itu, akan timbul perasaan ingin bersaing dan cuba membuktikan bahawa aku lebih baik, sedangkan ianya adalah persaingan yang tidak perlu. 
Dengan melihat itu, aku menjadi benci (meluat dengan gambar, menyampah dengan kata kata) 
Dengan melihat itu, aku menjadi sedih (status/kata kata orang yang dirasakan bertujuan memburuk burukkan kita). 

Aku cuma manusia biasa, perempuan pula. Tidak perlulah nak menafikan, perasaan begitu boleh sahaja wujud. Apa yang kita rasa, boleh jadi ianya benar, dan boleh jadi ianya hanyalah perasaan kita sahaja. Benar atau tidak, hati kita sudahpun terjejas.

Jadi, inilah yang aku lakukan;

Unfollow 
Unfriend
Block 
Mute 

Dan aku betul betul tidak ambil tahu lagi tentang mereka selepas itu. Senang sahaja, kan? Kita yang tentukan apa yang kita mahu lihat. Kita yang tentukan kita mahu gembira atau tidak. Perasaan gembira itu bukan ‘luck’, ianya adalah ‘effort’. Usahalah, apa yang kita dapat adalah apa yang kita usahakan. Kita mahu gembira, usahalah untuk gembira dan buang semua perkara yang tidak menggembirakan. 

Aku tak suka berpaut pada perkara yang negatif. Sebab bila aku berbuat demikian, aku terlepas banyak perkara manis yang berlaku pada waktu yang sama. Aku pernah menjadi manusia begitu, memang rugi besar. Unfollow/unfriend/block/mute, tidak semestinya kerana benci. Tapi ianya adalah baik untuk kesihatan hati. Aku mahu hidup gembira sahaja, hidup bahagia dengan orang orang yang penting dalam hidup aku. Biar kelompoknya kecil, tapi benar benar bermakna berbanding kelompok besar tapi penuh pura pura. 

Dan di sini juga aku mohon, kiranya sesiapa yang terdengar/terbaca sesuatu yang tidak baik diperkatakan tentang aku, tidak perlu rasanya untuk disampaikan pada aku. Aku okay sahaja, selagi aku tidak tahu. Tak apalah, mereka bertanggungjawab atas apa yang mereka perkatakan tentang aku, tapi aku bertanggungjawab atas apa reaksi aku terhadap mereka. Maka tidak tahu adalah lebih baik, kerana aku tidak perlu bertanggungjawab atas apa apa. 

Semuanya di hujung jari, adakah perkara terakhir yang kau lihat hari ini, membuatkan kau gembira? 


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Pengalaman Pertama Adam Muaz Diwadkan

Adam Muaz sejak balik dari Johor Ahad lepas, nampak semput semacam. Dia tak lemah, tapi setiap kali bernafas memang dengar wheezing di dalam. Aku risau, tapi sebab dia nampak masih (terlampau) aktif, kerisauan itu tidaklah seberapa.

Ahad malam, kami mulai risau. Nafas dia macam tersekat sekat. Tapi lasaknya masih sama cuma sekali sekala dia merengek mungkin tidak selesa. H gesa suruh bersiap bawa ke hospital. Aku siapkan apa yang patut, barangan Mummy dan Adam Muaz dimuatkan di dalam satu beg, barangan Ammar Yusuf di dalam satu beg yang lain kerana berdasarkan pengalaman sebelum ini, kalau begitu keadaan anak kemungkinan besar akan ditahan dan diwadkan. 

H mahu ke Colombia Asia, aku ragu ragu. Sebab banyak sangat review dan pengalaman rakan rakan yang tidak berapa baik di situ. Aku cadangkan KPMC Puchong. H setuju saja, telefon Kak Ha dulu minta izin tumpangkan Ammar Yusuf di rumahnya, senang nanti di hospital boleh fokus pada Adam Muaz sahaja. Sudah hampir 11 malam, Kak Ha okay saja syukur dianugerahkan pengasuh anak sebaik ini. 

Sampai di KPMC, tidak perlu menunggu pun, terus dibawa untuk pemeriksaan blood pressure.

"Pulse rate too high! Pulse rate too high!"

Ulang ulang mesin itu menyebut. Berdegup kencang aku. Teringat siang itu ketika dua dua anak merengek dan mengamuk dalam kereta dalam perjalanan pulang dari Johor, out of frustration aku ada tersebut, "Susahnya anak anak macam ni". Anak aku dah nak diambil ke ni janganlah ya Allah janganlah ampunkan aku ya Allah sungguh sungguh aku doa dalam hati.

Kemudian dibawa ke bilik doktor, doktor check paru paru terus cakap dengan nurse "Sediakan nebulizer" dan pada kami, "Dia kena warded ni, paru paru sempit sangat"

Ini kali pertama Adam Muaz dikenakan nebulizer. Sudah semestinya tidak mudah, dia meronta ronta ya Allah tenaga dia kuat betul! Aku tak rasa Ammar Yusuf sekuat ini dahulu, sampai sakit sakit tangan aku menahan tenaga dia.

Kami diberi pilihan bilik 4, 3, 2 ataupun 1 katil. Asalnya nak bilik seorang saja tapi mengenangkan seram juga duduk berdua dengan anak sahaja, kami minta bilik kongsi dua katil. Itupun malam pertama aku kami berdua sahaja di situ. Tapi alhamdulillah, selesa. Bilik air sangat selesa, nak solat pun senang tak perlu ke surau. Lebih bebas tak perlulah nak bertudung sepanjang masa.

Paediatrician datang 3 kali sehari. Jururawat semua sangat baik dan helpful. Mengikut kata paediatrician, paru paru Adam Muaz sangat sempit sebenarnya ketika dibawa ke sini, sepatutnya dalam keadaan sebegitu budak akan sangat lemah tak bermaya (seperti Ammar Yusuf dulu), tapi Adam Muaz sangatlah aktif pelik betul. 









Rupa begini... Ada gaya orang sakitkah? -_____-"

Ini masa tak ada apa memanglah gembira. Bila kena ambil nebulizer, kena chest physio, meraung seperti didera. Nasib baik jururawat banyak membantu, masa Ammar Yusuf kena di Hospital Serdang dulu bersilat aku nak bagi neb seorang diri T___T. Chest physio tu, aku dah pernah baca pasal tu dulu. Bila tengok depan mata, takut gila seriau aku!


This is to be done by trained physiotherapist. Alas/balut badan anak dengan kain tebal/selimut/tuala, tepuk kuat dan laju dengan tangan yang dibentuk macam cup di belakang badan kiri, kanan, depan kiri dan kanan. 


Kali pertama aku tengok physiotherapist tu buat rasa macam nak suruh dia hentikan je, gila kuat tak patah ke tulang anak aku! Tapi dia kata jangan risau, memang itu caranya untuk leraikan kahak dalam badan. Nanti kahak tu akan keluar secara hingus, atau muntah atau dalam najis. Gambar atas tu dia buat masa Adam Muaz tengah tidur, elok pula dia langsung tak terjaga, lega aku.

Satu yang tak seronok di KPMC ni, tak ada play area. Adam Muaz sudahlah jenis tidak tahu duduk setempat, dalam sehari adalah 16 kali dia tunjuk kasut minta dipakaikan, tunjuk tudung suruh Mummy sarung. Kesian dia. Tahulah bila anak sakit, kau akan rasa macam nak tunaikan apa saja permintaan dia kan?


Pakaikan kasut, biar saja dia jalan di kawasan hospital.


Pandai pula tekan lif! Lepas tekan dia ketuk ketuk pula lif dan cuba tarik untuk buka, mungkin dia sangka apabila tekan butang itu pintu akan automatik terbuka :))


Pintu terbuka terus meluru masuk. Nervous aku nak jauh dari dia nanti pandai pandai tekan dan masuk lif seorang diri T__T


Biarpun sakit, rambut tetap tersisir rapi :p


Menggeletis duduk atas kerusi urut. Bawa bertenang ye semua, kerusi tu tak berfungsi pun.

Alhamdulillah petang semalam sudah boleh discharge. Lega aku. Adam Muaz nampak gembira betul di rumah, meragam sekejap mungkin kerana lapar dan tak cukup tidur, manakan tidak selang 3 jam dibangunkan untuk sedut gas. Nak buat macam mana, memang itu cara rawatannya.

Minum susu, makan nasi dengan Mummy banyak sangat, terus tidur langsung tak terjaga sampai pagi tadi. Lepas geram betul.

Paediatrician cakap, ianya adalah Acute Pneumonia. Mungkin petanda awal asthma disebabkan sejarah keluarga (Daddy juga asthmatic semasa kecil), macam abangnya. Kali pertama, sudah begitu teruk, menurut paediatrician lagi mungkin pernah terjadi sebelum ini secara mild tapi tidak disedari sesiapa. Adam Muaz ni aktif dan ceria sepanjang masa, memang tak boleh recall bila yang dia ada nampak semput atau sesak nafas. Tak apalah. Aku redha sahaja, ujian Allah untuk kita lebih dekat pada-Nya. Yakin saja akan ada rahmat di sebalik semua ini.

InshaAllah asthma akan hilang as they grow up, sementara itu kita berjaga jaga sajalah. Dah besar sikit nanti akan aku bawa mereka ke kelas renang, sebab berenang sangat baik untuk kesihatan paru paru. Macam macam aku rancangkan. Tak tahulah mampu atau tidak tapi kita usaha sajalah takat mana yang boleh kan? :)


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Man's Getting Married!

One of my baby brothers is getting married this weekend. Man and I, we have a lot of fond memories, as I was so close to him compared to anyone else in the family (before my baby sister is born).


(Picture from his IG)

Growing up, he has always been a good son; he was naughty nonetheless I lost count how many times my parents were asked to come to school due to his disciplinary problems but amazingly he scored straight A’s for most major examinations. No matter how troublesome he was then, he always honors his relationship with our parents. I think that is the key of his success. 

  • At 27, he has a career with a bigger paycheck than I have now (he’s a pilot, anyway). 
  • At 27, he already own a house that he rent out (going to buy another one for investment)
  • Besides his steady career, he also runs several other businesses that he collaborates with his good friends. 
  • He bought a Civic for our father 
  • Whenever Baba shared with us about any investment plan/new businesses he's the one will participate without hesitation just to make Baba happy 
  • He initiates a plan to build a dream house for our parents. 
  • When it happens that today is the birthday of any us he suggested that we give a present to our parents for giving birth and raising us, not the other way round 
  • Whenever we girls complained about any of our family members he will just crack a joke, laughs and goes “Takpelah, takyah gaduh gaduh, ada lah tu sebabnya”  

I cannot recall any of the events that he raised his voice to our parents throughout our childhood. I remember when I was 8 or 9 and was so rebellious while he was just 6 or 7, I said to him, “Kalau Mama tanya dah solat ke belum kita cakap dah tau”. Later when Mama asked, I straightaway said “Sudah” and looked at him just to see him reluctantly said, “Emmm tak ingatlah…” HAHAHA I was sooo mad at him at that time for acting so innocent and not stand on my side. Even when he was still a little boy, he’s the one who cares to ask “Mama Baba dah makan ke?” everytime we are about to have our breakfast/lunch/dinner whenever our parents weren’t joining us. He was just kid, but already have a big heart.

“Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan ibu bapa. InshaAllah berjaya dunia dan akhirat” 

Now he’s getting married to a girl whom we certain will take a good care of him, a good girl that will bring him closer to Allah and will certainly love our parents too. It’s such an overwhelming feeling to welcome a new member to our family; we really look forward into it. It should be fun to have another little sister as an additional to the annoying one I already have now HAHA. 

May Allah ease our journey this weekend :')


Monday, August 18, 2014

Getting Along

For the first one year Adam Muaz was born, Ammar Yusuf wasn’t much of a loving big brother. Ammar Yusuf is a type of boy who loves to be with someone older than him; he didn’t like babies as babies couldn’t understand what he’s saying, he basically loves to be the youngest so that he can continues bossing around -____-“  

Initially, I was a little bit worried, especially when seeing other people’s children who can get along very well, you know, how the eldest be so protective towards their little siblings which was unlikely to happen to Ammar Yusuf. For most other children, usually they will scream and cry whenever people pretend to take their younger sibling away, but for Ammar Yusuf, everytime our friends and family asked him, “Aunty ambil Adik bawa balik ye?”, he’ll be like, “Okay!” with a big smile, he just couldn’t care less T__T

However eversince our long Raya holidays recently, I’ve seen a lot of difference in their ‘unique’ relationship. Maybe because both of them are not so friendly with unfamiliar faces, whenever we spend our time visiting our relatives these two boys will just sit and play with each other as they left with no choice haha. Their relationship has gradually improved day by day, there have been a lot of Ammar Yusuf cracking jokes and Adam Muaz laughed at it and it goes on and on. It’s really funny actually, because the jokes were usually not that funny but still Adam Muaz laughed wholeheartedly; this boy really adores his big brother :’) 


I presumed that it is all because as Adam Muaz grows up he can now react to conversation instead of just minding his own business when he was a baby, that makes Ammar Yusuf appreciates him more as he can now interact and there’s two-way communication between them. Sometimes Ammar Yusuf is doing something and when he sees his baby brother he’ll be like “Adik jom sini tengok Abang” and Adam Muaz will obediently follows him, he’s such an idol for his little brother :’) Our home has been a lot more fun and lively than it already is, but it also means that it will be double of everything for both my husband and I from now onwards, double the patience, double the house-keeping, as the boys are now tag team in doing things, whatever Abang is doing, Adik will follows at the back doing the same thing grrrr huru hara rumah! 

They are still fighting with each other, wrestling over toys and foods, pulling each other’s hair (or more to Adik pulls Abang’s hair and Abang cries) shouting and screaming (boys will always be boys right? -___-), but Alhamdulillah they have started to get along well and I believe they will grow up loving and protecting each other like what siblings are supposed to be. 

Soo.... since these two brothers are already getting along well, I think it's about time to proceed to Baby No.3 hahaha kidding guys, kidding =))


Friday, August 15, 2014

Foods For The Skin

I always have a thing about women with amazing skin. I envy them, to be perfectly honest. I don’t care if she’s black, short or fat, if she has a great skin tone, she is pretty in my eyes. 

I’m on the other hand, is blessed with a sensitive skin. My skin doesn’t react well with products with fragrance, so I can only use natural/organic products on my face. I have tried a lot of products; nothing suits me well so far. Now, I just stick to product named Simple, only because Mama said this product has been in the market since she was in school, must be good ey? It works fine, just fine, doesn’t do any miracle on my face, but at least I don’t really have acne problem anymore, still, my skin looks so dull, and old :(

Then I decided to take care from the inside, believing that if you don’t put the right things inside your body, you won’t look good outside no matter what products you’re using. Beauty is literally comes from within, don't you agree? So instead of spending hundreds on cosmetics, I started to buy health supplements and collagen, it cost even more expensive you know? But I keep saying to myself that it is okay to splurge on these things in case it works, I don’t have to buy cosmetics anymore :D 



I started with Ephyra. I began to consume Ephyra when I was in confinement, then I stopped for a while and later continued for another 3 months until April 2014 and never continues after that. I stopped because initially I was thinking to switch to other collagens that can be easily found at any drugstore, i.e Kinohimitsu, Soy Collage, etc. Not only they are easy to get, they are also a lot cheaper. I bought Ephyra at RM500 for 3 boxes that can last for 3 months. So the cost is about RM5.55 a day, which I think is quite expensive (I always do this kind of calculation-divide everything per day to see whether it is really worth it :p) . 

My experience with Ephyra…. Well, the taste was undeniably good, but other than that, I don’t know... maybe it worked in increasing the energy and stamina, but my skin didn’t really improve. Maybe 4 months is still too early to judge but I’m not that patient to wait for another few months :/ One thing I realized, I’m not sure if it has anything to do with Ephyra, but Adam Muaz has become sooooo hyper and my husband said it was my fault for consuming Ephyra during breastfeeding, not only it increases my energy level, it did the same to Adam Muaz too T__T 

After I stopped, I have yet to continue with any health supplement, I just take 500mg of vitamin C daily. My skin is just, dull as always. My tired eyes are just making it worse; I look older than my age T__T It’s not that I want to look young forever; I just want to be age appropriate. 

Now I’m still looking for types of collagen to give it a try. I’m actually interested to try this, 


The price is reasonable (RM170 for 60 sachets, it’s about RM2.83 per day), the model is rather convincing; my sister has met Dr Halina once and said her skin was soooo flawless like baby bottom! But to be fair, she has been using SKII products for 10 years, so we can’t really say that it’s all because of the collagen, right? 

I’ll give it a try and I’ll let you know later, totally a genuine review hehe. Maybe you can also recommend any health supplements/collagen that makes wonders too?


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Rezeki

Remember in this entry I mentioned that my husband and I, we have a one dedicated purse to keep the money for all house expenses that we share together? 

I left it at the foodcourt nearby our place, last Thursday night, and realized it only 4 days later!

We were about to go out for dinner last Monday when H asked, “Beg duit rumah ada dalam kereta B ke?” We look for it in our house, in our cars’ dashboard, everywhere, totally forgotten when was the last time we use money from that purse. 

Suddenly it hits me, “Ya Allah last sekali kita bawa masa pergi makan kat food court laaaa...!” I feel weak and so guilty, because it is the money we are going to use for the rest of the month even more when thinking that we’re in tight budget since we both currently saving to buy a new house so to lose that purse is the last thing we want at this moment. 

I suggested to try our luck by asking around anyway, even if in my heart I was so doubt that we can found it because it has been 4 days and there’s no identification card inside; there are only about RM800 cash (as per H’s thinking), Tesco card, Aeon Big card all those supermarket cards we have. On our way there H already preached that if it’s no longer there just take it as it’s not our ‘rezeki’. We always do that in this kind of situation anyway, if it’s ours, it will be ours and vice versa, just to make us feel better and have faith that Allah knows what is best for us. 

We tried asking at the stall that we had a dinner last Thursday, she said that usually they don’t clean the table themselves, they have people who will do it for all stalls and pointing out to a group of teenagers wearing all black at the corner, looking like mat rempits, “Hah diorang la yang bersihkan meja”, the lady said. H looked at me, as if trying to say “Kalau budak budak ni yang kemas meja dan jumpa, memang takkan dapat balik la duit tu”, or at least that was what in my mind at that moment (I feel so bad now actually, for judging them by their looks). One girl came out from the group, “Akak ada tertinggal purse ke? Yang bunga bunga tu kan? Saya jumpa hari tu” 

Long story short, we managed to get back the purse with all the money inside. The girl was so nice and humble, apparently she was just finished SPM from one boarding school at Kelantan. 

Moral of the story; 
1. Never be clumsy again. 
2. NEVER EVER judge a book by its cover. Not all teenagers wearing black and walk in group are mat rempits T__T. They might have a bigger heart than many of us. 
3. Always have faiths that if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Be it your rezeki, something you always long for, or someone you love. If it is meant to be yours, it will eventually come to you no matter what happened.

Knowing how careless I can be, from now on the purse, the flowery purse will always be under my husband's care. 'Macho'ness aside, as long we don't lose our money again :p


Friday, August 8, 2014

Aidilfitri 2014

I hope it is still not too late for Raya post :p 

Married to a local guy is such a blessed to me. For the last couple of years, everytime Hari Raya is approaching we often get the “Tak bestnya tak ada kampung, tak ada feel Raya lah kan?” but this year we finally get lots of “Wow you’re so lucky tak payah redah jem berjam jam!” which is what we actually feel every year. Having a kampung or not, what matters most is the family gathering, no? 

Anyway, this year’s Eid is one of the best we ever had (we say the same thing almost every year anyway :p). Our raya theme this year is Emerald Green, for the whole family :D 



It’s actually the theme for my brother’s wedding this month-end so you’ll be seeing me wearing the same baju kurung again very soon.

My husband was wearing the same baju Melayu as my brothers, while my boys wore Aaron Aziz for kids. This is the first year for the boys to wear ready-made baju Melayu anyway, lucky that it suits them very well.


Ammar Yusuf was so excited with his outfit especially his songkok and sampin (or is it samping?), he refused to take out both the whole day until his head sweats buckets and started to get rashes T_T


Posing like a diva with this girl, something we often do when I was way younger :D 






Having two little boys, taking family portraits is never easy *sigh. But I love having more kids (tibatiba).


I love Hari Raya. I love the foods, I love seeing my relatives, I love that we can really take this opportunity to cleanse our heart asking for forgiveness, and forgiving others too. Hari Raya means a lot to me, it’s not just a day that we can wear nice clothes and taking pictures together, it means far beyond that.


Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, from the bottom of my heart I seek forgiveness from all of you my readers for my wrongdoings through my writings or if I ever said anything that had offend any of you. As cliché as it may sound, I’m just a human; I’m far from perfect and I made a lot of mistakes which of course I’ve regretted it. May all of you have a wonderful Hari Raya celebration.