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Monday, December 23, 2013

Increasing Ammar Yusuf’s Self-Esteem

Ammar Yusuf ni kan, masa baby baby dulu memang sangat ceria, happy dan friendly sangat dengan outsiders. However, as he grows up dia jadi taknak dengan orang yang dia tak familiar. Bukan taknak, he’s like, ambil masa untuk get used dengan orang yang jarang or baru jumpa. Dulu memang kami pernah agak yang ianya ada kaitan dengan kekerapan dia sakit dan warded sebelum dia setahun dulu, sebab memang sejak balik dari hospital dulu yang dia jadi macam tu. Turns out apa yang kami sangkakan itu memang ada kebenarannya, selepas baca satu blog tentang psikologi anak kecil ni. Kanak-kanak yang ada pengalaman masuk hospital, disuntik, dirawat orang asing, dipaksa makan ubat, memang ada kecenderungan tinggi untuk berasa trauma dan takut dengan orang.
 
So kami plan, every weekend bawa anak anak main kat luar, biar mereka bergaul, terutamanya Ammar Yusuf tu,  perlahan lahan biar develop his confidence-level, ajar dia berkawan. Nak pergi outdoor, hujan pulak. So bawa pergi indoor playground dalam shopping mall saje lah.
 
Sepanjang dalam kereta nak ke sana tu, kami ulang ulanglah cakap dengan dia,
 
“Abang nanti nak jumpa friends, nak main dengan friends. Nanti, kalau jumpa friends, Abang cakaplah, hi! My name is Ammar Yusuf.. Kalau clever boy macam tu baru boleh pergi school” Just to give him an idea of what to anticipate.
 
“Pergi school macam dalam TV ke Mummy?” Sebab dia pernah tengok iklan tadika apa entah kat TV.
 
“Aah, pergi school macam dalam TV”
 

 
Mula mula nampak macam takut takut, but after a while, things went quite well lah, legalah juga tengok. Ammar Yusuf ni memang bukan jenis melasak tak tentu hala kat tempat umum ni, memang biasanya dia akan main dekat dekat dengan kami je. For certain situation, rasa macam blessed juga taklah susah nak jaga. Cuma mungkin keyakinan diri dia perlu dipertingkatkan lagi.
 


 
Sepanjang dia main, biasanya aku duduk dengan Adik, Daddy dia je yang monitor him closely. Daddy cakap, dia taklah takut takut sangat macam dulu, kalau kena tolak tolak tu dia ada lah juga bersuara, “Tak payahlah.. Awak ni..” Alamak sopannya anak aku T__T Memang takat itu jelah, belum ke tahap balas balik.
 
 
Kesian juga tengok kadang kadang, dia ni main sopan je, ada juga masa nak naik tangga gelongsor tu dua tiga budak lari rempuh dan over-take dia. Selalu jugalah aku nak kena tahan Daddy dia daripada marah anak orang HAHA. Kalau takat budak budak baya dia, kami takdelah nak masuk campur sangat, biar dia belajar bangun sendiri dan berdikari. Kalau budak yang melasak tak tentu hala tu lagi besar, apa lagi bila tengok mak bapak dia buat bodoh je anak dia badan macam gergasi berhimpit himpit tolak budak kecil, jangankan Daddy dia, memang aku sendiri akan pergi jadi Mami Monster!
 
Ada juga rasa macam nak je ajar kalau orang tolak dia, tolak balik orang tu.. tapi fikir fikir balik macam tak senonoh la pula ajar anak bergaduh ni. What do you think? How do you deal with this kind of situation? I want him to be brave and be able to stand for himself, because sometimes he can be too reserved and just let people to overpower him. But of course I don’t want him to lose his manners too. Because there’s a possibility that if the lesson goes wrong he might turn out being a bully (be it physically or verbally) later. Even worse isn’t it? It's not easy to teach your children about dealing with challenges in life, when you're also struggling to deal with yours.. *sigh*


8 comments:

  1. Vee tak da kids lagi but usually kat kindergarten, kalau kes mcm ni berlaku, I will tell si pelaku to never ever push other people and tell them to say sorry. And to my surprise, the next time dia buat tu kids yang lain pandai pulak bagitau "heyy, don't push people!!". Hahaha.. So maybe tell AY to tell other kids to not push next time. Mcm kalau dia kena tolak, tell him to stand for himself by doing so. Dan kalau sampai tahap pelaku tu marah dia ckp camtu, then parents blh campur tangan. Well this is just a lil opinion from a young lady yang langsung tak pernah jadi ibu lagi xD Btw, kirim slm kat both of your heroes! Rindunya!!

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    1. Hi Vee! Thanks for your tips, which kinda brilliant considering that you're not even a mom yourself (yet). Tapi itulah, nak suruh Ammar Yusuf cakap "Don't push" tu yang kena usaha sikit. Dia bila marah he's like mumbling to himself and the kids tak berapa bother pun. Mungkin kena practice lebih kat rumah kot kan :)

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  2. FB dari Dr. Tengku Asmadi bin T. Mohamad

    Assalamualaikum, Rumah dan keluarga adalah dunia kecil bagi mendidik anak-anak berhadapan dengan dunia yang lebih besar. Jadi kalau anak-anak bergaduh di rumah, jangan cepat campur tangan. Jangan mudah menyebelahi mana-mana anak. Ajar mereka selesaikan masalah mereka sendiri. Ini akan membina skil komunikasi, bertolak ansur, mempengaruhi, berbincang dan sebagainya. Selagi anak-anak tidak bertingkah laku buruk seperti memaki hamun, bergusti dan seumapamanya, maka biarkan mereka belajar urus konflik sendiri. Biasanaya tidak sampai 1 jam, mereka akan bergelak ketawa pula. Dr. Hj. Tengku Asmadi T. Mohamad www.tengkuasmadi.com

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    1. Good info! Thanks for sharing. Bottom line is parents kena cool and don't be overprotective sangat la kan :p

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  3. I choose to wait & see. Klu anak main kat playground, akak tengok jer dr jauh. Just to see how he deal with it. Setakat ni, alhamdulillah. Klu budak2 besar tertolak & jatuh, dia belajar bangun sendiri. Yg sebaya dia, suka dia nak ajak main. Suami akak x galakkan akak masuk campur klu budak2 bergaduh, terutamanya klu berjiran. Sbb nt mak paknya tak abih bergaduh, ank2 dh start seronok2 main skli

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    1. That also my approach too, wait and see. Kalau dengan jiran takde la nak beria protect sangat, because kami rapat dengan neighbours, sometimes more to tegur anak sendiri kalau dia macam berebut toys ke apa.. Kita ni.. Mungkin sebab Ammar Yusuf tu pernah sakit, and we're trying very hard to make him happy and nak yakinkan dia yang bukan semua orang akan sakitkan dia, secara indirectly buat kita jadi over-protective...

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  4. anak saya tak nak balik lepas pegi playground,..

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  5. Una, here's something I've watched in Oprah some time ago. A bully will not persistently bully someone who resist the act, they want easy target (ni case school bully). We have to teach our kids; instead of mirroring the act of bully towards the bully (that's what the bully wants - to have reason to further bully the victim) they have to resist it.
    1. Physically (cth: depangkan tgn ke dpn, not to push the bully, but to avoid/keep the space between them)
    2. Verbally (say NO! outloud - standing up for yourself, then say HELP! if there is someone else there - but saying help may indicate vulnerability - the bully may take advantage of vulnerability)
    3. Tell parents/teachers if they are being bullied (some victims are toooo scared of telling)

    I know all those are way too complex for our toddlers, anyway. But I keep an active involvement whenever I am in that situation. If I saw a kid being rough (even towards other kids which is not mine), I would tell the kid nicely (acting like a kindy teacher & not to offend the kids' parents) - play nicely, go one by one etc because I believe this will empower my own child to know which is right or wrong. Those parents who let their kids being rough know their kids can take care of themselves. We don't want our kids to pick up that attitude unconsciously. If everything is in order, stay back & watch the kids learn independence & standing up for themselves ;)

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