Miss Needy vs Miss Independent

One day I asked my husband, "Do you prefer a needy, or an independent wife?"

Some men prefer a needy wife, so that he can always be the man, the one who takes charge in everything, he loves giving rather than accepting, and being a hero most of the time is what he's been looking for all these while.

But, a needy partner can be far too annoying sometimes.

Apa pun tak tahu buat.
Semua nak suruh Suami, semua nak harapkan Suami.
Hanya tahu meminta-minta.

Suami yang awalnya seronok dianggap segala-galanya, mula bosan. Suruh ini, tak tahu. Suruh itu tak reti. Ditegur, sentap sampai ke pagi.

Almost always, a needy wife is also a possessive wife. Tak tahu apa scientific explanationnya, cuma berdasarkan apa yang aku lihat, alami, dengari, rasai.

On the other hand, some men love to have an independent wife. A wife who can take charge in something, who can look after herself, who barely ask for help, who knows the right thing to do at the right situation. A type of woman who knows exactly what she's doing and what direction she's heading to.

But, a woman who's too independent can be intimidating to her partner too. Semua benda dia nak buat sendiri. Semua benda dia boleh uruskan tanpa mengharapkan pertolongan sesiapa pun.

And almost always, Miss Independent usually comes with a big ego, no offense. At one point, dia terasa seperti boleh hidup sendiri, tanpa insan bergelar suami. Lelaki yang pada asalnya seronok dan senang hati isteri pandai jaga diri sendiri, tidak mustahil lama-lama akan rasa tergugat, tercabar, dan juga terasa diri tidak diperlukan. Kalau dah semua dia boleh uruskan sendiri, di mana fungsi suami dalam rumahtangga itu? Sebab bottom line in every relationship; tak kira siapa pun, semua orang mahukan pasangan yang membuatkan dirinya rasa disayangi, dihormati dan diperlukan.

It's not only about what I feel about you, but it's more to what I feel about myself when I'm with you. Seperti apa yang dijawab Yusry apabila ditanya sebab dia mengahwini Lisa,

"You're special, you're the best. You make me feel special, and you make me feel that I'm the best"

I've to admit that I'm struggling to balance between being needy and independent. I've been both, not necessarily in my marriage, it can be in my previous relationships or somewhere in the middle. The outcome is pretty much like this.

Miss Needy = Mengada, annoying.
Miss Independent = Terasa hebat lalu besar kepala.

*sigh*

And as expected, my husband answered, "I would appreciate if you being independent, but of course not to the extend that I'm no longer feel needed. You don't have to be strong all the time."

No straight guy wants to marry another 'guy'. Maka pendek kata, isteri mesti pandai berdikari, at the same time pandai juga bermanja-manja. Be independent, with grace. Hmm..