Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dealing With Competitive Parents

I just being a mother for almost 4 months thus haven't experienced this kind of situation (at least it doesn't show too obviously pheww thank God). A situation where you have to deal with competitive parents.

I got it that it's normal to enjoy our child's achievement, especially for new parents; the excitement is of course overwhelming. But there's a thick line between being excited/proud and trying too hard to out do everyone else.

"Anak akulah yang paling comel"
"Anak aku paling cepat belajar"
"Anak aku paling banyak baju cantik"
"Anak aku paling dan paling dan terpaling blablablabla.."

If there's not much thing to boast around anymore, the other parents are the next victim.

"Kalau nak bagi anak cepat pandai, belikan dia permainan blablabla. Tengok macam anak aku."
"Eh, dah 8 bulan pun belum boleh berjalan ke? Mesti kau tak ajar dia blablabla. Anak aku si Boy tu 8 bulan dah berlari tau."
"Masa mengandung dulu aku makan blablabla, sebab tu anak aku otak bagus. Masa pregnant dulu kau tak makan ke?"

Macam-macam lagilah. Kalau niat untuk berkongsi ilmu penjagaan tidak mengapa, tapi biasanya kita boleh nampak jika seseorang itu lebih kepada menghakimi, membanding-bandingkan dan cuba menimbulkan persaingan.

I love all babies. I was growing up surrounded with babies (little brothers/sister and then nephews/nieces after that) thus when I was married and having a baby myself, the necessity of comparing and competing between other parents has never come across my mind.

Sebab aku tahu, all babies are unique and develop at their own pace. Lain baby lain perkembangannya. Tak pernah rasa pun nak compare between babies especially knowing that I am a new mother myself I understand that I have to be very careful in giving opinion to other new mothers as we are in the same boat. We are still learning.

So, if a new parent comes to me and says something like, "Eh salahlah cara dukung tu, meh sini I tunjuk the right way," usually what I did instead of becoming defensive, I just smile and said, "Really? Maybe you're right" thus giving them a satisfaction and pleasure of feelings, "See? I'm the best mother of all'. You ARE the best mother of all. Whatever makes you happy. (But please don't cross the line, I have my own limits too).

For Ammar Yusuf, let's just enjoy every moment together and live it to the fullest. Setiap orang ada kelebihan masing-masing, ada rezeki masing-masing. Allah Maha Adil kan?

"Slowly Sayang, there's no rush. One step at a time, Mummy got your back."


  1. OMG i was thinking to write a post on this... i do have family members who are over-competitive. i have nieces n nephews about my baby's age so it's inevitable that they will always compare their child's development with mine. often, i akan just smile but dlm hati screaming 'each child lain laa development dia'. i dun understand why they always ask me, 'berat baby dh brp?' every week, n then 'blum blh meniarap sendiri? lambat ya' and my baby's only 3 mnths plus.. xleh imagine kalau dia lambat merangkak/jalan/cakap.. sure ada yg nak comment n compare... urghhh words hurt!

  2. Oh poor thing. I'm glad it didn't happened among family members. But if it does, err, maybe they care about you? Sebab usually family members ni care for each other without hidden intention (supposed it works that way lah kan? :/)

    Oh my, 3-month-old baby boleh ke meniarap sendiri without any help? My baby will be 4 months this 3rd Dec, and dia belum boleh meniarap himself juga, kena I tolong. But daripada meniarap nak telentang tu dia okay. Nevermind, I think our babies are doing just fine ;)

    Don't stressed out too much okay, just smile and try to avoid confrontation, because it's not worth it at all. Take care! :)

  3. mulut puaka ada di mana-mana.
    kita akan belajar dari pengalaman.
    itu lebih baik kan ~

  4. Hai Una..lama kak ina tak jenguk blog ni...masa anak 1st kak ina masa baby dulu pun slalu kak ina pekakkan telinga bila org lain dok pot pet ajar mcm2..contohnya suruh bagi baby makan bubur + bayam + ayam pastu blend la...konon nak bagi anak cerdik... kalau dah baby kita taknak makan benda tu nak buat camne kan...tapi kan alhamdulillah so far dah 17 thn ni anak kak ina lebih cerdik drpd anak dia...walaupun tak makan bubur bla bla bla..Allah tu maha besar kan... takleh nak cakap all the best to you dalam membesarkan anak :)

  5. ZalinZalina:
    That's so true Kak Ina. Sebab itu kita ambik pendekatan berdiam je, because usually action speaks louder than words kan. Tak apalah, asalkan kita tahu apa yang elok, kita besarkan anak kita dengan cara kita je. Thank you! Eh anak akak dah 17 tahun ke? Mesti kahwin muda ni kan? Bestnya muda2 dah ada anak remaja :D