I am in a very bad shape today. Totally wrecked. I'm having terrible mood swing and for the very first time, i don't even know what i want and what i have to do. I'm losing focus, my relationship is at stake, my attempts on something better is a complete failure. I am devastating for God sake. Owh please not to be carried away. Its not supposed to be that bad afterall. Repent? Yes.. Maybe i shoud try repentant. I need a break. I've broke too many rules, please help me find a way.
Well2, she's exaggerating things again~
I am not exaggerating things!
Oh see, she's being complicated again~
I am not being complicated!!
God.. I feel like losing my mind now. Is it due to my passive lifestyle? I'm no longer feel the rush of adrenaline inside. I am too passive! I'm thinking of work out, they said working out would produce some adrenaline hormones that would make you happier and cheer you up. Maybe tomorrow i should drop by at Jusco nearby to buy a good aerobic shoes and start getting sweat. A healthy body leads a healthy mind. Feeling a bit satisfied of myself already :)
Another thing is, re-shaping my mind at this moment is crucial. Take office time as a start. Husna sweetheart, don't let yourself be anxious by that big fat-annoyance-foulmouthed woman, or should i say.. widow? You know that nuisance creature is more than willing to do whatever it takes to get on your nerves, so why bother? I can't.. She's too distressing..!! You don't have to give a damn on that loser, you know it. She's just being bitter for having such a terrible life, and you don't want to end up like her by having that kind of.. should i say, mentally-undeveloped? Dear friends, having that kind of cranky co-worker is a tragedy i tell you. Evenmore when she's older and she self-declared to be more experienced/knowledgeable though everyone knows she was far less educated than you. Even-evenmore when she used to be the flower among the thorns, until you came and take the crown. Feeling intimidated? Jeopardized? Mengaku je la wey!! Tak yah la putar2 alam heboh semua orang cakap aku gedik-gelak gatal whatsoever. Pathetic. (I'm the only female engineer, if that concerns you). Banyak pulak masa dia nak jaga tepi kain aku, tak perasan ke tepi kain dia dah lama terkoyak perlu dijahit.. Lepas tu mula la takut dengan bayang2 sendiri, rasa semua orang cakap pasal dia. Aku punya la tak menang tangan uruskan banyak hal tak ada masa la nak judge kau ni gelak ayu ke gedik ke baju kau over ke apa ke (ok fine, not until now that i have A LOT OF TIME talking about her). First thing first, inexperienced doesn't mean incompetent, we can gain experience in line by time. If you take 10 years to learn everything as a secretary in the same company, don't you think the engineers might be able to gain the same experience and learn everything as much as you have in only 10 months? No offense to all other secretaries out there, please. Bottom line is, do not get too conceited of yourself just because you have 10 or 20 or even 100 years of experience, because there's always a person who can do a lot better than you, in much shorter period than what you've taken. (Plus, do not hate your co-worker just because she's younger and more proficient than you! Huh..)
**Please bear in mind that what happened to me is not something new, because there are a lot my other girlfriends who work in technical team especially as engineers also having difficulties dealing with secretaries/receptionists/PA etc in their workplace. Adakah dah memang lumrah alam that non-technical people tak sebulu dengan technical people, when they share the same gender? Atau memang wujud jenis perempuan macam tu tak kira la apa pun pekerjaan dia? *sigh*
I'm done, pretty relieved because i manage to let out all my frustration in a quite polite manner. Because initially i've drafted the post in much inappropriate languages which include cursing, vulgar words, etc. (Hehe.. I'm bad, i know :P) Then i changed my words, totally different than what i've thought at the first place because.. Erm.. I have no idea the exact reasons. Maybe my anger is slowly fading the more i let out all those negative emotion here :)
Sorry for wasting your precious time with all this craps, thanks for reading.