- i'm fat
- i'm putting on weight
- i'm not slim
- i'm out-of-shape
all the above are heading to 1 point. I REALLY HAVE TO REDUCE WEIGHT! (final warning)
i always heard of these statements:
"i know that i'm fat, but who cares?"
"i'm fat, but i'm happy with myself"
"eat while u can eat, x yah nak diet2, asalkan happy sudah"
i REALLY2 hope that i can trust all those above, but i just CANT! of course i'm happy with what i have, but the happiness will quickly fade away everytime i try any garments that i admire and it seemed ugly in me. how am i going to be happy when most of my fav clothes are no longer fit in? how am i going to react as nothing changed in me when everytime i met my old frens (even with not-so-old frens as my college frens) they will freak out saying, "una, u're big!". i will certainly just throw a u're-a-cow-siyes-goddammit smile as response to them cuz i'm so tired of it! the 'eat while u can eat' idea is totally absurd, mind u. eating makes ppl happy, TRUE. but bear in mind that the joy wont last if u're not able to control ur desire. u can't just eat everything, u've to watch out too, or u'll end up regretting it when u're lying on the hospital bed for having hypertension/obesity/diabetes or any sort of scary diseases resulted of ur bad eating behavior.. (owh stop it, why am i keep using the word 'u'?? it supposed to be 'me' instead! i'm supposed to advise myself kan?). please read this with an open mind. never meant to offense any party, but i just feel bad for myself. i try to be positive, saying sumthing like, "just appreciate the way u're" or "luv urself for what u're" or any craps sort of, but i just cant.
these are things that i'm so long to wear, but i wont ever dare as i think it would just make me look gross:
- white jeans
- mini-skirts with skinny jeans as the inner.
- long dress with flowery print.
i'm sooooo IMAGE-CONSCIOUS that it makes me sick of myself! whoever took my self-esteem, PLEASE give it back to me, cuz i really feel like it beginning to lose now. and it sucks! grr..